Today I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. There are so many things that need my attention. So many things that I need to do. So many things that I want to do. I am having a hard time not stressing out. When I stress out, I tend to be very introverted which, if you know me at all, is just not my personality. I also tend to have a short fuse which makes me even more stressed out. Because I don’t like snapping at my family or over reacting to things.
Olivia is at a very demanding stage in her life right now. 2 year olds can be almost as demanding as newborns, in my humble opinion. They just don’t sleep nearly as much!! She wants me, and only me lately. She will give in and let her daddy bath her and put her to bed. And if he’s really, really lucky she will let him read to her. But mostly it’s “Mama, mama, mama, mama.” Like this morning, I was trying to get a few things cooked to take to the church for a funeral (we hosted lunch for the family) and I HAD to stop 2x to sit in the floor to read her a book. There was just no other way. Now, not that I 100% minded because that’s why I stay at home. So that I can drop everything I am doing and sit in the floor to read a book to my brown eyed baby girl. But there are times when such demands can be a little uh, err, nerve racking to say the least!! Especially when you are working with in a time frame.
James and Audrey are a mere 3 weeks away from getting out of school for the Summer. We have a million and 1 activities to keep up with until then and I am trying to keep the temperature down on this pressure cooker that I call my mind. James had one thousand and twenty five hundred questions to ask yesterday (most of which, I might add, were arguments back to questions I had already answered) so I eventually told him “James my brain is just too tired to keep answering questions. You have got to stop for a little while.” To which my ever so smarty pants son said, “Then why did you talk just now? If your brain is tired?”
We’ve got a lot of other things going on behind the scenes as well. For instance, we have decided to put our house on the market. We have tried it twice before in recent years to no avail. This time we are doing it ourselves, to try and save that commission. Did you just go “Ahhhh, now I get why she is so stressed out?” I have appointed my self as our “Listing and Selling Agent” and have told my self that if I can sell our house, I will make between $3,000-$6,000. In commission saved, of course. It’s very motivating though, to look at it like that. However, it is A LOT of work and A LOT pressure. I’m a little obsessed at the moment. It’s not a good way to be, I realize this. Even though I have ultimate control over everything that goes into marketing our home for sale and I really, really like that (even if Jon does not!!) I cannot control the end result. i.e. How fast it gets sold. Me no likey this part. I can be slightly impatient when I get a fire light under my britches. And that fire is H O T at the moment. And again, I know it’s not a good way to be. I am supposed to trust in the Lord that He will make our way perfect in His own timing. I struggle with this. And I am ashamed of it.
I’d appreciate some prayers. Prayers for my mental stability through out this process, prayers for the Lord’s will to be done, and maybe even a few prayers that the Lord’s will would be that our house would sell before the Summer really sets in :)
Disclaimer: We are not leaving Cairo or Tired Creek. Nor are we in financial ruin or close to it. We honestly are trying to downsize and simplify our lives as much as possible. And we feel that getting rid of such a large debt load, in more ways than one, we will be better equipped to live more simple :)