Thursday, March 19, 2009

We need the prayers of those we love

For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God enlighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places. Psalms 18:28-33

Tuesday was a bleak day. It hit us with a hard punch in the gut. We felt(and still do) as if we were walking around in a dream. All I kept thinking was "can I please go back to Monday and just stay there? Please." We do not have a definite diagnosis yet but the neurologist I took James to see said he appears to have Cerebral Palsy. Of course they want to run tests to get a clear diagnosis so, on March 27, James will have an EEG (to measure his brain activity) and as soon as an appointment can be made, he'll go have an MRI(to see where exactly the problem is). He has to be sedated for both procedures. He will also start PT, OT, Speech therapy just as soon as the referal is made. Dr. Ayala said he feels that it is Cerebral Palsy because of the stiffness of his left leg, the stiffness in his ankle and the fact that he walks on his toes. To be honest, after he told me he thinks our son has cp and explained why he thinks this, I lost track of what all he said. I was doing my very best to keep it together until I could get out of there. I was alone, as no one foresaw us getting this kind of news at that appointment. I had to wait 4 long hours before I could see my husband and tell him what our sons future may hold for him. It was just about the longest four hours of my life because I wasn't going to tell any one before Jon and I couldn't talk to anyone because I couldn't keep it together for longer than 2 minutes.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of a good report; if there be any virtue, if their be any praise, think on these things. These things which ye have learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:6-9 & 13

I still feel as if at any moment I will wake up from an awful dream. I keep thinking "is this really happening to us?" I mean, you thank God every day for the beautiful blessing of your children. Seemingly perfect, healthy children. You've shed tears of sorrow and uttered many prayers for friends who have faced things of this nature. You know how blessed you are. Still, NOTHING can ever prepare you for the day it is your child that is possibly facing a future of struggling to walk and talk and God only knows what else. NOTHING can prepare you for the shock, the pain and the numbness that you feel all at the same time. NOTHING. But, thanks be to God that we are "rooted and grounded in the truth" and that "our house is built upon the Rock". Thanks be to God that there is a constant "help in time of need".

We hesitated to share this news in such a public way since we do not have a definite diagnosis yet. But we believe in the power of Almighty God through the power of prayer. Prayers for strength to face the coming days and months ahead as we wait. Prayers to heal our son of whatever infirmity he may have. So, we are humbly asking that all of you pray for our little family. Please pray for grace and strength to endure and peace to accept whatever it is that the will of God holds for our precious, precious baby boy.


Beth said...


You and your family are all in our thoughts and prayers!I pray He will give you strength, peace and grace.

It's strange how we hardly ever see you guys and yet we think of you and pray for you often.

God Bless you all,

Rhonda said...

Amanda, dear, thank you for notifying those of us who faithfully read your blog. I will pray for your precious, beautiful son who has a smile that lights up the world. I will also pray for all of you as you await a definitive diagosis. May God's presence abide feelingly near each of you.

With love,

Tara said...

Amanda, please know that James and your family will be in our prayers during this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Dear John and Amanda, I was very sorry to hear the possibility of James having cp. But you know, as we all do, that God is in control. I will be praying for you and your family that if it be the will of God, that James will be strong and will be a little champion in whatever diagnosis he receives. I will also pray, that if it be God's will, that it not be cp. Love, Sister Sue Giles, Macclenny Church

Becky said...

What a beautiful picture of your boys. I love y'all so very much

amber said...

Amanda, I was afraid that the news was not what you had expected when you didn't reply right away. My heart goes out to you all, as I know the utter sadness and heaviness your heart is currently enduring...the feeling that someone is actually sitting on your chest and you just can't get a deep breath.

I am so, so sorry.

My prayers are with you all tonight and for the next few months. My heart cries out to God for you.

Kiss those precious children for us. We miss them terribly.

Anonymous said...

Brother Jon and Sister Amanda,
My eyes are filled with tears. I can't even think of words to say to you both. I have been praying for you all since I saw this blog. I will ask all that I know to pray for James. I pray that the God of all grace will bless you all and that you will be able to fill His strength in your weakness.
All of our love,
Sister Dina

Anonymous said...

Silly note...feel...not had a Dina moment....
Love ya,

Anonymous said...

We will be praying for James and your family.
God bless,
Dona Lord

Laura said...

Amanda, I just can't find the words to say. I'm so sorry. We'll be praying for you all. May the Lord comfort you and uphold your family! We love y'all!

Dianne said...

My throat has this huge lump that prevents me from swallowing. We'll be praying up here in our area, Little Sister. And, my heart, as a mother, aches for you.

It's not a definite, yet, and I know that you know, God doesn't stop with a diagnosis.

We'll continue to lift you and your family up, 'Manda, and pray that little James, through the Great Physician, will be healed and whole.

We love you greatly.

Emily said...

Lots of tears . . . lots of prayers. (Only the latter of the two really make a difference, but know that my heart aches with yours right now.) I want to be there to hug you so badly right now. Love you all so much!

Kathy U said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family. We pray that the Lord will grant you and your family with a peace about the days ahead of you and an understanding that the Lord is in control. Sis Kathy

Anonymous said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you!! We love you!!

Love, Beth, Brian and Matthew Turner Macclenny Church

~sydney~ said...

Amanda, We love you so very much and are praying as hard as we can for little Jamesy. We had a special prayer request at church today for him. Dad made sure to tell every one at Ideal that we needed all the "prayer warriors" of Ideal to help us with this. Love and miss so much.


Dana said...

I love you, your husband and your babies so very much. Please call me anytime you need to talk (or not talk) about what you are going through. I wish I could get down there and wrap my arms around you as tight as I can, but believe me I have done it in my mind a thousand times. You are a true friend, and I am here for you whenever you may need me!

Wanda said...

Your family is always in our thoughts and prayers!
Jimmy & Wanda

Ms. Robin said...

Amanda Grace,
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you right now. We know, by experience, just what a wonderful Great Physician our God truly is !
May you be filled with the 'peace' in your hearts that can only come from our precious Savior.

Lots of love & prayers from ALL the Howells.......

We love you, Jon, James, & Audrey.........Hug those precious babies for us.......

Ms. Robin