Feeling Overwhelmed

Today I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. There are so many things that need my attention. So many things that I need to do. So many things that I want to do. I am having a hard time not stressing out. When I stress out, I tend to be very introverted which, if you know me at all, is just not my personality. I also tend to have a short fuse which makes me even more stressed out. Because I don’t like snapping at my family or over reacting to things.

Olivia is at a very demanding stage in her life right now. 2 year olds can be almost as demanding as newborns, in my humble opinion. They just don’t sleep nearly as much!! She wants me, and only me lately. She will give in and let her daddy bath her and put her to bed. And if he’s really, really lucky she will let him read to her. But mostly it’s “Mama, mama, mama, mama.” Like this morning, I was trying to get a few things cooked to take to the church for a funeral (we hosted lunch for the family) and I HAD to stop 2x to sit in the floor to read her a book. There was just no other way. Now, not that I 100% minded because that’s why I stay at home. So that I can drop everything I am doing and sit in the floor to read a book to my brown eyed baby girl. But there are times when such demands can be a little uh, err, nerve racking to say the least!! Especially when you are working with in a time frame.

James and Audrey are a mere 3 weeks away from getting out of school for the Summer. We have a million and 1 activities to keep up with until then and I am trying to keep the temperature down on this pressure cooker that I call my mind. James had one thousand and twenty five hundred questions to ask yesterday (most of which, I might add, were arguments back to questions I had already answered) so I eventually told him “James my brain is just too tired to keep answering questions. You have got to stop for a little while.” To which my ever so smarty pants son said, “Then why did you talk just now? If your brain is tired?”

We’ve got a lot of other things going on behind the scenes as well. For instance, we have decided to put our house on the market. We have tried it twice before in recent years to no avail. This time we are doing it ourselves, to try and save that commission. Did you just go “Ahhhh, now I get why she is so stressed out?” I have appointed my self as our “Listing and Selling Agent” and have told my self that if I can sell our house, I will make between $3,000-$6,000. In commission saved, of course.  It’s very motivating though, to look at it like that. However, it is A LOT of work and A LOT pressure. I’m a little obsessed at the moment. It’s not a good way to be, I realize this. Even though I have ultimate control over everything that goes into marketing our home for sale and I really, really like that (even if Jon does not!!) I cannot control the end result. i.e. How fast it gets sold.  Me no likey this part. I can be slightly impatient when I get a fire light under my britches. And that fire is H O T at the moment. And again, I know it’s not a good way to be. I am supposed to trust in the Lord that He will make our way perfect in His own timing. I struggle with this. And I am ashamed of it.

I’d appreciate some prayers. Prayers for my mental stability through out this process, prayers for the Lord’s will to be done, and maybe even a few prayers that the Lord’s will would be that our house would sell before the Summer really sets in :)

Disclaimer: We are not leaving Cairo or Tired Creek.  Nor are we in financial ruin or close to it. We honestly are trying to downsize and simplify our lives as much as possible. And we feel that getting rid of such a large debt load, in more ways than one, we will be better equipped to live more simple :)

Eating Cake

I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts this week. I have what feels like a thousand things rambling around in my brain that I want to blog about but just can’t seem to make one thing come together. There are two main things that seem to stand out in my mind this week and they are: starting my photography business and all three of my children growing up so fast it hurts.

Lets start with that. Miss Sassafras. She will be 2 years old in 2 months. Ouch. I find myself staring at her sometimes trying so hard to memorize every single feature of her still small face. I stare like I can freeze time so that I can always, always remember what her little nose and eye lashes look like. What her pudgy little fingers feel like when her tiny little hand is in mine while we are crossing a parking lot. (Even if that hand is begrudgingly in mine!! She is so independent.) I really really try to freeze time so I can remember what it feels like when she throws those short little arms around my neck and squeezes soooooo tight and tells her daddy “No!!! MY baby!!!” And trying to freeze that absolutely precious sound of her incredibly addicting laugh when she gets tickled. How about when she goes to the bottom of the stairs and calls out “Audrey come on. Lets go.” Her little vocabulary isn’t so little any more. She has started stringing sentences together these last 2 weeks like nobody’s business.  What about when she gets her dose of Benadryl at night and she shivers and says “Taste. Like not taste.” Or when she gets that teaspoon of ibuprofen at nap time and bed time since she is cutting her final 4 teeth at one time and she says “Nummy medicine.” And even though she is soooo much like her mama in the attitude department that I feel sorry for her cause she’s more than likely got a long row to hoe ahead of her, she is so incredibly cute when she gets mad it is more often than not a struggle to keep a straight face and correct her. Instead of scooping her up and kissing her face completely off!! Jon has told me from day one that I am just so cute when I get mad. I guess now I know what he means.

I am having a little bit of a hard time with this because I know how it is going to go. I’ve done this twice already. I tried so unbelievably hard to remember every single thing about James and Audrey when they were infants and toddlers and I can barely remember any thing. If it weren’t for this blog and all the words I have written and the thousands upon thousands of pictures I have taken, I’d have very few memories of them when they were younger. That’s so sad. I can’t really even express how knowing that makes me feel. Time and memory are very deceptive. You think you will always be a mother to sleepless nights and bottle feedings and diaper changing's and then all of a sudden you are not. You think you will remember exactly what their little voices sounded like because it’s so precious and makes your heart swell so much. But all of a sudden you can’t. Life is bittersweet so much of the time. Of course you want your children to grow strong and healthy and become these amazingly independent people who love the Lord and still love and respect you. And you would be so sad if that were not to happen. But at the same time you want to keep holding their tiny little hands in yours. And keep feeling their little arms around your neck. And hearing their innocent laugh fill your home and your heart. Unfortunately, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. *SIGH*

P.S. I really hope you have a wonderful day after reading this slightly depressing post :) Cheers!!

Field Day 2013

Our world is a crazy world to live in these days. At times it can be frightening. I choose to not get bogged down with it all so I hardly ever watch the news. Too depressing. All I need are highlights, not in depth details. I believe that is partly what is wrong with people these days, too many in depth details and they forget what really matters in life. 

This morning I was listening to a morning show on the radio (that was talking about the manhunt in Boston) after I had dropped off the twins and was taking O to the babysitter. I was suddenly overcome with a strong sense of thankfulness that the small little corner of our country that we call home was quiet and peaceable this morning. That I could go and enjoy my children’s first field day with them and forget about all the crazy, scary mess that’s happening right now. I know that our little corner might not always be quiet so today I am thanking the Lord above for the seemingly small blessings of our life at this time. I pray that my children and family never have to know the heartache that some families are experiencing right now. I pray so hard that my children would be able to grow up the way that I did, not having to give a second thought to their safety when going to the movies or running a race. But it’s really starting look like that’s all a part of the past. Is my childhood really part of “the good ol’ days” now? It makes my heart sad.

But and however, I choose to trust in the Lord and make the most of our happy and quiet and peaceable times. And to always be aware and thankful of those joyous times and not take a second for granted. It’s what people should do any way. Regardless of their circumstances in life or of the world.

So, I enjoyed James and Audrey’s field day today maybe a little more than I would have last week. It was incredibly fun to watch them and all their little friends having such a wonderful time, completely innocent and oblivious to the world around them. No body got their feelings hurt or got embarrassed. They were all so well behaved!! They all had a blast and so did all of us parents. It was overcast the entire time which of course made for great photos but also made for super happy kids. No whining that they were hot and tired!! Although, at the very end the clouds opened up and within 10 seconds we were ALL soaking wet. We rushed to one of the dug outs and all James could think about was weather or not they were gonna get to get their snack from the concession stand. Haha!! Bless him. Such innocence. And how thankful I am for it.

Look Who.....

Decided to play t-ball!!

A few weeks ago, shortly after I wrote that blog post about her not wanting to sweat, she randomly told me she might change her mind about playing t-ball. But she’d have to think about it while she slept and tell me in the morning. Ok.

So she decided that she did want to play and thankfully it was before registration ended! And the people at the rec dept were gracious enough to squeeze her in on her brother’s team so we wouldn’t have to play t-ball field mix up.

I was very skeptical about her playing (I know, I’m such a good mom!) but they had their 4 practices so far and their a scrimmage game tonight and despite these pictures of her in the outfield, she’s enjoying it. She’s so cute! She runs or really she does what I call ballet run where she points her toes out and bounces on the tips of them. It’s pretty funny to watch! Any way, she runs after that ball like no body’s business and even though she has yet to actually get one of them, she’s enjoying her self!! She’s a good hit and a fast runner even if she still does run with one fist closed and that arm bent at the elbow like she always has.

I’m glad she’s playing. Glad she’s trying something new.

Her bro acts like an old pro out there :)

Elevating MY Everyday

I am reading a book called “Elevate the Everyday” by Tracey Clark. I am really enjoying it and highly recommend it to any one that likes to take pictures. The things she teaches you to notice are things that I have been noticing about my children ever since they were born. But she has shown me a much broader way to look at them and is showing me a more in depth way to capture them. AND she has let me know that I am not some weirdo mom that likes to take pictures of feet and messy hair and of pictures that my children have drawn for me. Or of profiles or up close shots of my babies. I do have a creative mind and a certain eye for capturing those precious, fleeting moments in our children’s lives that can be considered unimportant but in fact are very important in the grand scheme of things. And she has helped me to see that it is a gift. Not just some trait that I have acquired or some weird way that I see things. And reading this book has made me 10,000 times more thankful that I have this blog to record not only my children’s lives but my life as their mother.

She was twirling. And I love how this shows how long her hair has gotten.

She was writing on this paper and then reading what she wrote

I.just.love.this.

She was dancing. Her sweet little legs and feet were dancing.

This just happened. She looked directly at the camera at the right time. Probably wont be able to capture this again. And even though her face is grimy, she is just a kid. And I like how I am in the pic just enough to know that it’s me and that I was there. In her back ground. Like I hope I will always be.

I don’t have many words for this. Just kidding. I have thousands but will only share a few. I love how in this picture you can see how long a pretty Olivia’s eye lashes are. I love how she has her hand on my face because it shows how very loving she is. Especially towards me. I LOVE how it captured one of the holes where she is still missing 4 teeth! I kiss her a lot through out the day. I just can’t help myself. And even though this picture shows my weirdly freckled face, I love that I am in it.

This is Olivia Ray at her finest. She is just like her big sister and at any given point during a day you can find her tucked away somewhere reading a book. And she ADORES teddy bears. So this showcases two of her loves.

This is special to me because Audrey Grace ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS puts girly eye lashes on the things that she creates. From the time we started doing Starfall on the computer when they are about 2 1/2 making pumpkin print outs, she chooses the eyes with long lashes because she is a girl and every thing she makes are “girls.”